French Letter

Bonjour.

Ca va?

Est-ce que vous êtes ivre?

I write this only because I have a meter thing attached to the blog that tells me where people are.

When they read what I write.

I clicked on it earlier and there was a world map showing me who was reading what and where.

- At that very moment.

Fancy that.

The location was just the country and not the actual address or anything although I am pretty sure that Google could do that if they wanted to. I am certain they can actually and understand they probably do - for governments.

Fuckers.

It also tells me on what type of device I am being read.

There seem to be a surprising amount of people in France reading me - on Android devices.

I am surprised anyway.

There were more French than English and American people combined reading me when I last looked. On IPhones and on Androids. This surprises me too for I often tease and mock them.

- Particularly the English.

I work with many English and some Americans and I work for a British Company. I am often surrounded by the English day in and day out so it is fortunate that I enjoy mocking the English. It is nevertheless my national responsibility anyway. The Americans bring it upon themselves.

They have no one else to blame.

A friend reminded me earlier that I once wrote that I wrote because I liked to be read. I told her this is true.

Of course it is.

It is why any writer ultimately writes.

To be read.

I shall not reveal the name of my friend here to protect her privacy. My code name for her will however be Myoki-san.

- If I happen to mention her again.

To confuse matters further there is an actual Myoki San who has no code name.

Anyway I am most grateful to be read by the French or indeed by any other citizen of the world.

I have a French colleague who is a good friend and I like French food and French wine. The French countryside is very beautiful. I like French medieval villages with their French medieval buildings and I like outdoor cafes. French coffee is good and I very much like the accents of the French when they speak English.

I like this moreso when spoken by French women than by men.

I just do.

As an Australian I accept our New Zealand neighbours as our intellectually disabled and very distant cousins however they are still family - therefore we still have not forgiven the French Secret Service for blowing up the Greenpeace Boat.

- The Rainbow Warrior.

We didn’t like that shit at all.

The whole world didn’t.

We haven’t forgotten nor will the French be forgiven for that.

I like many French painters and a couple of French writers. I like Monet and Cezaune and Gauguin and I like all of the museums of Paris. My favourite French writers are Sartre and Le Clezio. I like the dusty old bookshops and antique stores in the narrow cobbled streets of the Left Bank.

I like the palaces of Versailles.

I very much like the little village markets where local beautiful French garden produce is displayed and sold.

I like baguettes and escargot and I like good champagne.

I like pate and croissants and I like fromage.

I like fromage a lot.

My favourites are Camembert and Roquefort.

Stinky cheeses.

I like that the French Government and French Industry are embracing Green and Renewable Energy. I don’t however like their long and somewhat shady history into nuclear power and weaponry. The French government’s program of testing of nuclear weapons of mass destruction on tiny pacific islands appalled many Australians.

I was one of them.  

It was in our own backyard

Moruroa was one of the Islands. The French called it an atoll. It no longer exists.

The French blew it away.

We despise the contamination the French left behind.

I liked Jacques Cousteau and when I was a little boy I thought that the French Foreign Legion were pretty cool and tough guys.

I like Christian Dior, I like Pierre Cardin and Yves Saint Laurent and I like Coco Chanel.

I don’t mind Canadians.

I liked the movie the French Connection – both the original and the remake.

I like French toast. I like French fingernail painting.

I like French Kissing. 

I am not particularly fond of French poodles or the Tour de France or berets.

The bidet is an abomination.

I like French architecture – both ancient and modern and I like the Louvre. I like French Chateaus. I like the French Alps. I like the beaches of Southern France and the coast around Nice – I like all of the French Rivera.

Nice is nice.

I like Bridget Bardot and Sophie Marceau but I am not particularly a fan of Gerard Depardieu. I have liked some French movies.

I don’t particularly like sub titles though.

I don’t mind French polishing but I prefer furniture made of old woods where you can see the grain. I like the swirly beautiful patterns contained in wood and I like that each circle in the wood of a tree is a year of time.

I like trees too.

Big ones.

I like French dressing – both the salad and the clothing type. I like the word chic. I like French passion and I don’t really mind their arrogance.

It is come ci come sa.

I also quite like that there are French people reading what I am writing out there.

So merci beaucoup

A plus tard.

A bientot.