Hi Tom and
Charlotte.
I hope you are
both safe and well.
I am glad that you
are both out and about and travelling the world and I want you to know that I think
about you every day.
I want you to
explore and have adventures and experience everything you can in your journeys
and return to me enriched and wiser, but most of all safe.
I worry you know.
It is a Dad’s
prerogative.
We are born and
then we die.
These are the only
two certainties I can assure you of.
What went before
and what goes beyond is an unknown so the life that we live between these two events
is all that matters.
This is my belief
anyway.
The duration of
our current existence is indeterminable. I have learned this from experience
and as you well know, I have lost people who are close to me in both ordinary
and extraordinary circumstances.
Losing someone you
are close to sucks no matter what the circumstances are but that just is what
it is.
I don’t want you
to experience such losses yet but they are inevitable - so steel yourselves.
Demise is sadness
in any exigency however grief is a process that is tied very much to love.
The greater the
love – the more significant is the loss.
I have learned
this too.
You will as well
We humans are
sapient creatures who are as complex as we are unpredictable. I don’t get a lot
of things and my life is littered with mistakes of my own making. I try however
to deliberate and excogitate from my erring and I hope you will too.
It’s not so easy.
The most perfect
things I have ever made are you two.
I never knew that
someone like me could contribute to make something – some people - as beautiful
as you.
My love for you is
boundless and unconditional.
Don’t forget that.
When you both left
for your travels I realized that when children become adults they are still
your children. This realization that my children have all grown up is a strange
phenomena.
It is one that
takes some getting used to.
There have been
some emotional conflicts with this realisation of mine.
Big ones.
I have this
enormous sense of pride in both of you but this is also entangled with a
tangible sense of loss as well.
Hope resides there
with Fear.
It is a tough and
sometimes dangerous world out there that has wars and bombs and earthquakes and
tsunamis.
Monsters lurk.
So there is worry
and there is pain.
There is always
worry and pain in parenting.
There is great joy
too though.
There is more joy
than anything else.
Much more.
However there is
some sense of acceptance in this realisation as well. It resides amongst all
this mix of emotions. There is reflection too when I pause and think where you
may be and what you may be doing.
We grown ups have
all been at this juncture.
This becoming an adult.
It is a Big
Moment.
I remember what it
was like to feel this all-grown-up emotion when I was your age.
It was a time of
freedom and confidence and greatness.
It was Special.
I need you to know
though that the need to protect you my children does not diminish as you become
adults.
It doesn’t
diminish at all.
It is instinctive
I think to want to protect you.
At any cost.
At all cost.
However there has
been a letting go of sorts - by me of you and by you of your childhoods.
The realization
that as you forge your own places in the world I won't be quite as close to you
anymore is a wistful emotion.
There is a little
ache knowing and accepting that I won't be right beside you any longer - to
catch you if you fall. I can only trust now that I have taught you enough to
stand strong and to stand up again if you get knocked down.
To keep standing
up.
We all get knocked
down at times and rising is more noble than falling.
It is more
difficult too.
This letting go is
both sad and happy for me.
It is both winning
and losing.
I know that these
feelings will ultimately neutralize each other and then I will be just
left with Hope.
Hope that you can
make your own way out there and that everything will be all right.
I want you both to
not be afraid to mistakes - for the lessons you learn from mistakes are really important.
Be bold and brave.
You both have
voices and don’t be afraid to express your opinions.
Stand up for what
is good and right and decent irrespective of the opposition you may encounter.
Don’t ever just be
part of the crowd.
I don’t get
violence but I have been embroiled in it before.
I don’t like
cruelty either and I know that neither of you do either. You will encounter it
though.
All too often.
I have been both a
victim of it and to my shame a deliverer too. I have felt ignominy and pain in
many forms. I am perfectly imperfect and I hope that I have grown from my
inadvertence.
I don’t believe in
deities or in a faith that is blind.
Why would I?
How could I?
This is a personal
thing however - and I am not going to try and influence you one way or another
on such matters.
Make up your own
minds.
I have seen
cruelty and injustice and inequity that horrify me.
The current
catastrophes in Greece and Syria and Iraq despair me.
Watching the daily
news is a horror story.
I ask myself often
what manner of god would permit such atrocities? I have discussed and debated
this matter with men of cloth and monks and lamas and their arguments that man
is imperfect are sound - but they don’t convince me to worship.
I comprehend the
need for belief but my preference is to invest such faith in myself and you my precious
children – as well as the other people who I love.
This is a big
endowment but I can touch and see it.
Through grim
determination I can even shape it.
You can as well.
I believe that the
majority of people are inherently good but there are vocal and powerful
minorities that are not - and they are the wreakers of chaos and havoc.
They are the
ruination of things that really matter.
Please be wary.
I hope that I have
taught you enough to understand we human beings are impaired creatures but our
development is really quite a simple path of practicing compassion and
compunction and lenity.
It is
consideration.
It is kindness.
I understand that
I am in a minority here in a world awash with religions that seem more confused
than me. I think that the supposedly merciful gods worshipped by billions would
be appalled by the behaviours of the extremists amongst their devout. Tens and
perhaps hundreds of millions of people have perished in conflicts relating to
religion.
Look at Syria.
Iraq.
It is why I sometimes
wake in fright terrified about why you might encounter in your travels.
I truly am
sleepless in Singapore much of the time.
You are both young
adults now and I can’t protect you like I could when you are little.
All I can
reinforce to you again is to stand strong for what you believe in - and for
people less fortunate than you.
This is important.
It is really
important.
To many people
acts of bravery involve death and destruction and peril and I need you to
understand that real bravery is actually the complete opposite of these things.
Heed this my
children - gallantry is providing for people who have less than do we.
It is also tolerance
and acceptance.
I have known love
and hate and joy and despair and I still seek wisdom but it is so difficult to
find.
I want you to be
wise and you already are in many ways but wisdom is not something we stumble
upon.
We accumulate it.
Through our
experiences.
My search for self
continues - and so too should yours - but
as I age I am discovering that a purpose might be many things and there is
simplicity and some satisfaction in just being.
It is my belief
that we are formed by what we desire, we are shaped by what we experience but
we are ultimately defined by what we do.
For others – not
ourselves.
So I endeavour to
experience as much as I can – and again – so too should you.
I cram my life
with people and events and I move around a lot to take in what I can.
I am restless.
I am reckless.
New cultures, new
people and talking to strangers have enriched me yet I still don’t know my true
purpose.
Being your Dad is
the most important thing though.
I know that much.
I have had a very
fortunate life.
I can’t complain.
Even though I
sometimes do.
I want you to know
that I think that kindness may be the key to everything and life lessons
relating to compassion and morality are important but empathy is something that
is inherent.
Selflessness is
not a natural state but it is an important one.
I want you to
frequently put yourselves in other shoes.
I need you to constantly
put your lives in perspective.
Please remind
yourself of that from time to time
Wealth is not
possessions or money.
It is goodness.
It is virtuosity.
It is
righteousness and honour.
These are noble
and precious things.
They may be
everything.
I know where I
have been but I still don’t know yet where I am going. You will sometimes feel
this way as well.
Particularly as
you travel.
At times you will
feel lost and dazed and directionless.
Don’t let this
distress you.
Just tread a path
that causes minimal harm but value and cherish every experience. I want you to
immerse and saturate yourself in your surrounds.
I want you to
experience experiences.
They are the
essence and substance of who you will become.
Remember this as
well.
You both have the
potential to be anything you want.
For the moment
though – in these tumultuous and terrifying times - I think that just being
might be enough.
Thinking of you
always.
Love Dad xx